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- I grew up in the United States, but have lived in Europe for the past seven years.
- In general, people in the United States always seem to connect based on similarities.
- However, during my conversations in Europe, I realized that people are connected because of their differences.
Growing up in America, I have always felt a desire to connect with people through what I share. Ever since I can remember, my default tactic for navigating conversations and building friendships with strangers has been to connect through similarities.
When I was younger, these interests included Barbie, books like “Where the Wild Things Are,” and ugly Nickelodeon cartoons. Over time, my cultural makeup eventually widened to encompass a wider range of things as I entered adolescence. It covered all her stages, from movies with Leonardo DiCaprio to boy bands to Britney Spears.
My mother and I had a well-known tradition of watching mid-20th century films, such as those of Alfred Hitchcock and films based on the works of Rodgers and Hammerstein, and I found it helpful to connect with my peers. There was no. When I brought it up, the conversation often died down.
In America, it sometimes feels like commonalities bind us
As Super Bowl season began, the big game took on a unique atmosphere at the dinner tables of friends and colleagues, and even at dive bars. I’ve never seen a soccer game, but I’d like to at least know about the halftime show and advertisements. It was the same on “Survivor” and “The Bachelor” and even in the tabloid headlines. I didn’t have to like it to want to know about it or have an opinion about it.
These cultural phenomena have led to inclusivity. They were the currency of social exchange. At most of the dinner parties I’ve attended in the US, this kind of buzz is what gets all the guests engaged, but the quirkiness is the kind of one-on-one sharing that can happen in the dimly lit early morning hours. For after-parties or secret meetings with your lover that you feel are better reserved for things like that. And in America, it’s always been taboo to discuss politics at the dinner table unless everyone nods in agreement. Although I have occasionally found exceptions to these generalizations, it usually took place in intentionally iconoclastic settings, including Burning Man.
When I moved to Europe, I noticed that the atmosphere of conversation was different.
I moved to Europe 7 years ago and have spent time in Italy, Switzerland, France, Spain and the UK. I currently live in Portugal, and while abroad I’ve noticed that conversations tend to have a different nature. It was the norm for people to dive straight into strange or unfamiliar things rather than avoiding them.
I remember at a New Year’s Eve party in the South of France, this girl grabbed the speaker in the middle of dinner and insisted she was going to hear the song “Brazilian Mermaid.” The song is “Agua de Bevel” by Astrud Gilberto. I loved the whole moment, not just the song. No one felt the need to pretend they already knew the music, there was no discomfort with the unknown, just genuine curiosity. She just put it on and everyone listened intently, asking questions and wanting more. I accidentally ended up at a listening party.
Many of the people I’ve met here not only have well-developed niche interests, like the mid-century movies I watched with my mother as a child; We share a genuine desire to tap into each other’s curiosity. For example, my ex-boyfriend’s sister was into comics. His entire family of 10 eagerly asked about it at dinner. She was even his friend and asked her about it when she came to his house.
My Portuguese friend was deeply committed to Heidegger’s philosophy, and was never embarrassed to talk about Heidegger’s philosophy overheard at a bar, even if he had no taste for philosophy. And you are welcome to talk about politics here, especially When people disagree. Europe is beginning to feel characterized by a decentralized way of thinking about culture and identity. Note that these observations are generalizations. And of course, there are always exceptions, with the exception of football (other than American football). Everyone here knows something about it.
Of course, there may be several explanations for what I observed. The entire world may change and we may become more interested in differences than similarities. Or maybe my perception of myself, the world, and the people around me is also changing. In any case, I doubt whether the evolution of the topic I’m discussing makes any sense. I don’t know if there is a right answer, but I have found beauty in seeing others through the lens of both our similarities and differences.
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