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In less than a month, my niece will graduate from college and begin a new chapter in her life. Some people say “welcome to the real world,” but I’ve always felt that’s condescending, like they’re saying young people don’t know what’s real. So I just want to say congratulations on how far you’ve come.
As a college professor, I give advice to young people, sometimes solicited, sometimes unsolicited. I find myself with some important insights to offer, and sharing them as if I were giving a graduation speech every week. So here it is, reiterating:
Recent graduates, and people of all ages, can sometimes feel paralyzed by the steps between where they are and where they want to be. Some of the early steps are often boring and simple, like tedious paperwork, and easily overlooked. What’s the difference between those who seize the opportunity and those who don’t? One of them filled out the paperwork.
Of course, to fill out the paperwork, you have to believe you deserve the opportunity. I know that by the time you graduate from college, life is 50% charging cords and 50% paperwork. I believe most people stop pursuing opportunities because they assume they will miss them. Therefore, the odds are higher for those who do something about it. I would advise everyone, young or old, to stop basing their decisions on what others think of them and fill out the paperwork.
I wouldn’t tell you to just live your life based on your passion, because I’m too realistic, but I would tell you to look at the themes in your life. Have you been telling your friends for the past few years what you want to do? What are the real obstacles that are preventing you from doing it? And are they really obstacles?
Immediately after graduating from college, I enlisted in the Peace Corps, 14 years after I began taking piano lessons, a role I still play in my late 40s. It’s amazing how many times I’ve heard people say, “I was going to join the Peace Corps, but…” and end the sentence with a hint of regret. And how many times have I heard people say they should never have quit piano lessons? People regret giving up on something, or thinking they’re not good enough to do it. Don’t be one of them.
My aunt once taught me that life can be lived from a place of fear or from a place of love. Of course there is a place for fear – otherwise humanity wouldn’t be here right now – but there is also a place for love. Perhaps more than anything else, loving yourself is critical to a fulfilling life. Love helps you make healthy decisions when dealing with stress and trauma. Love helps you choose nurturing relationships over draining ones. Love helps you focus on strengths rather than shortcomings, and possibilities rather than current situations.
As graduates leave their studies and move on to the next step, they naturally feel financial pressure. Money is a constant companion throughout life: earned, spent, saved, shared, and lost. We repeatedly evaluate our self-worth, assert our own value, bounce back from disappointments, and thrive in the good times. Some of this is out of our control, but we can always control what we want, as long as our actual needs are met. People with a rich inner life want less and are pleasantly surprised by more. This is a way of life that is both aspirational and achievable.
Whatever path you take, there will be successes and problems. This is inevitable and liberating. I once told my father about a personal problem I found interesting. “That’s the key to life,” he said in his usual understated tone. “The key to life is to make your problems interesting.”
Listen up, graduates: congratulations on your graduation this year, and I wish you a fulfilling life, a life full of love, and a life full of interesting problems.
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