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Recognizing children’s undesirable behavior as a response to environmental conditions, developmental stages, or our own behavior allows us to respond proactively and compassionately.
Here are 10 ways kids can help Seem It’s acting like it’s a “prank,” but it’s actually not. And what parents can do to help.
1. They cannot control their impulses.
Have you ever told your child, “Don’t throw it!”? Will they throw it anyway?
Research suggests that areas of the brain involved in self-control are immature at birth and do not fully mature until late adolescence, explaining why the development of self-control is a “long, slow process”. I am.
A recent survey revealed that many parents think their children are capable of doing things at an earlier age than child development experts know. For example, 56% of parents feel that children under the age of 3 should be able to resist the desire to do something forbidden, but most children do You don’t learn this skill until you’re old.
What parents can do: Reminding your child that they can’t always control their impulses (because their brains are not fully developed) can encourage a calm response to their behavior.
2. You experience overstimulation.
We take our kids to Target, the park, or their little sister’s playdate in the morning, and inevitably we see meltdowns, hyperactivity, or outright resistance. Tight schedules, overstimulation, and fatigue are characteristics of modern family life.
According to the survey, 28% of Americans say they “always feel rushed” and 45% say they “don’t have any extra time.” Kim John Payne, author of Simplicity Parenting, argues that children experience a “cumulative stress response” with too much enrichment, activity, choice, and toys. He argues that children need a great deal of “downtime” to balance out their “uptime.”
What Parents Can Do: Providing plenty of quiet time, play time, and recess time can often dramatically improve a child’s behavior.
3. Children’s physical needs affect their mood.
Have you ever felt “hungry” or completely unbearable because you haven’t been getting enough sleep? Young children can be tired, hungry, thirsty, over-sugar, sick, etc. 10 times more affected by “core condition”.
When children are tired, they are much less able to manage their emotions and behavior. Many parents also notice sudden changes in their child’s behavior about an hour before meals, if they wake up in the middle of the night, or if they are sick.
What Parents Can Do: Children can’t always communicate like adults or be able to “help themselves” with snacks, Tylenol, water, and naps.help with daily life and Be prepared for when your schedule gets messed up.
A woman hugging a boy on her lapPhoto by Jordan Witt on Unsplash
4. Unable to control expression of big emotions.
As adults, we have been taught to tame and hide our big emotions by bottling them up, replacing them, or distracting ourselves. Children can’t do that yet.
What Parents Can Do: Early childhood educator Janet Lansbury has some great words to use when your child screams, yells, cries, or otherwise shows strong emotions. She suggests that parents “let the emotions run their course” instead of reacting or punishing their children when they express strong emotions. (PS: ‘Jane the Virgin’ actor Justin Baldoni shares parenting tips after experiencing his daughter’s grocery store bankruptcy.)
5. Children have developmental needs. ton of movement.
“Stay still!” “Stop chasing your brother around the table!” “Stop that cardboard sword fight!” “Stop jumping off the couch!”
Children developmentally need a lot of movement. The need to spend time outside, ride bikes or scooters, engage in rough play, crawl under things, hang from things, jump off things, and race around things.
What Parents Can Do: Instead of telling your child “bad” when they’re acting well, it might be better to schedule a quick trip to the playground or a walk around the neighborhood.
boy running through water sprayPhoto by MI PHAM on Unsplash
6. They are rebellious.
In one family’s home, arguments broke out every time the temperature reached 40 or 50 degrees. The first grader claimed it was warm enough to wear shorts, but her mother said the temperature required pants. Erik Erikson’s model assumes that young children try to do things on their own, and that preschoolers take the initiative to carry out their plans.
What Parents Can Do: It’s annoying when your child picks tomatoes while they’re still green, cuts their own hair, or builds a fort out of eight freshly washed sheets, but they’re doing exactly what they’re supposed to do. . — trying to carry out their own plans, make their own decisions, and become their own little independent people. Understand this, let them try it is the key.
7. Sometimes even their best traits can cause them to stumble.
It happens to all of us. Our greatest strengths often reflect our weaknesses. Maybe we’re incredibly focused and just can’t switch easily. Maybe we’re intuitive and sensitive, but we absorb other people’s negative moods like a sponge.
The same goes for children. Even though they may get hit with cars at school, they have a hard time coping when they make a mistake (e.g. yelling when they make a mistake). They are cautious and secure, but may be resistant to new activities (e.g., refusing to go to baseball practice). They may be living in the moment, but they’re not very organized (for example, their bedroom floor is covered in toys).
What Parents Can Do: Recognizing that our children’s unwelcome behavior is a reflection of their strengths, just like ours, helps us respond with more understanding.
8. Children crave play.
Your child might smear yogurt on his face, chase you and ask you to “catch” him while you’re brushing his teeth, or wear daddy’s shoes instead of his own when rushing out the door. I will. Some of your children’s seemingly “bad” behaviors are what John Gottman calls “invitations” for you to play with them.
Children love to do silly and goofy things. They enjoy the connection that comes with sharing laughter and like the elements of novelty, surprise, and excitement.
What Parents Can Do: Play often takes up extra time and therefore interferes with parents’ own schedules and schedules, and may appear to be defiant or naughty when it doesn’t. If parents build plenty of playtime into their day, they won’t have to push their kids as hard when they want to get them out the door.
9. They are very sensitive and react to their parents’ moods.
Multiple research studies on emotional contagion have shown that it takes just a few milliseconds for emotions such as enthusiasm, joy, sadness, fear, and anger to pass from person to person, and this happens without either person realizing it. I know that there are many cases. Children are particularly sensitive to their parents’ moods. When we feel stressed, distracted, depressed, or constantly irritable, our children mimic that mood. When we are peaceful and grounded, our children model that in return.
What parents can do: Before you get frustrated with what your child is feeling, look at yourself. Their behavior may be modeled after your own tone and emotions.
10. You have a hard time dealing with inconsistent restrictions.
At a baseball game, you buy M&Ms for a child. Then you say, “No, dinner will be ruined,” and your child cries and whines. One night you read five books to your kids, but the next day you insist that you only have time to read one, and they’re begging you to read more. One night you asked your child, “What would you like to have for dinner?” And the next night, when you say, “We’re eating lasagna, we can’t have anything else,” your kids protest the discomfort.
When parents are inconsistent with their limits, children naturally become dissatisfied, leading to complaining, crying, and yelling.
What Parents Can Do: Just like adults, children want (and need) to know what’s going to happen. Boundaries, limits, routines and striving to match her 100% will greatly improve your child’s behavior.
This article first appeared in Psychology Today and was republished here with permission on July 20, 2021.
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