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by: Pete Moss and son Forrest
Walter Mellon, a tenured professor of computer science, was quietly relieved of his duties earlier this week for “resolutely refusing to conform to outdated gender stereotypes,” said computer science department chair Michael L.・Mr. Scott announced.
The government apologized Sunday for hiring Mellon in the first place, following an outcry from STEM majors over his fair approach to education.
“We hired him after he gave a teaching demonstration in which he seemed to perfectly embody the values of our university,” Dean Jeffrey Runner wrote. “Obviously we were wrong.”
Runner mentioned a mock class in which Mellon rejected questions from female students and joked that many would not be intelligent enough to keep up with his class.
“I was planning to continue teaching the same way I did during the demonstrations,” Mellon confessed. “But when I got home, my grandmother was standing in the doorway, almost shaking with anger.” Mellon goes on to explain how she grabbed him by the ear and told him about her outdated ideas of gender equality. He recounted how he had no choice but to recite his beliefs and ultimately teach him what he believed.
“I shouldn’t have been depressed, but there was nothing I could do about it,” he continued. “So were you.”
The controversy began when Mellon refused to refer to Ada Lovelace as Charles Babbage’s “assistant” and instead taught students about Ada Lovelace’s important role in the development of the theory of computation. The issue further escalated when he refused to behave strangely toward female students attending office hours, a behavior that reportedly left his co-workers “confused and alarmed.” .
His students were similarly troubled by his teachings. Junior Phillip Bakkitt, who was in the advanced class, said he felt uncomfortable with the professor who graded a lot of women’s work.
“There is no need to attend a class taught by someone who so blatantly disregards the values of this university,” Bakhit said.
After meeting with like-minded students, Bakhit launched a protest against Melon, which was joined by all STEM male students on campus.
“I’m so happy that so many people fought for what they believed in,” Bakhit said.
In response to the growing backlash, UR’s board announced the creation of a committee to ban “modern ideas” like gender equality from the hallowed halls of the CS department. The committee will also consider new recruitment criteria to ensure future teachers have the “appropriate level of bias” deemed necessary for the role.
Professor Mellon remains optimistic about his future. “Eventually, you’ll find a place to teach where grandma can’t find you,” he said.
News of Mellon’s firing was widely celebrated.
“I’m really looking forward to classes getting back to what they were before,” Bakhit said. “We are relieved to know that our voices will be heard and that women’s voices will never be heard again.”
Pete and his son Forrest dedicate this article to Walter Mellon’s grandmother, the only woman they have ever known.
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